is your mom at the bar?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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