I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
