yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
