69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
