He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
