I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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