Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
