I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
