I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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