No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize