i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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