"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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