He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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