I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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