Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
