Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
