3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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