Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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