I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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