I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
