I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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