I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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