I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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