I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
