Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
wow bdsm is so cute
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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