oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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