it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
