I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
