My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
