Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
