I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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