I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
