were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
