I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
