Your tits are I can't wait for
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
