The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
