I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
