well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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