hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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