I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
