After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
