I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
