Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
