don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My balls are so social today.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
