i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
