the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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