Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
