Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
