three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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