So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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