4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
