im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
