You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
