mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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