He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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