k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
