after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
