In the future we'll all be gay
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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