the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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