glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Randomize
