mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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