How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize