Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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