after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
