the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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