I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
