I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I believe in your delicious
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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