yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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