dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
