nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
