god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
