there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
