i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
