stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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