I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
