I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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