Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
